PST #44: Are You Nice or a People Pleaser?



people pleaserBeing a people pleaser is considered a bad thing. But being nice and getting along with others is a good thing. Can you tell where the line is?

There is a difference between a desire to have a happy home where everyone gets along and being a people pleasing Mom who puts everyone’s needs ahead of her own. But sometimes it’s hard to tell if you are people pleasing or just being a nice person. Because getting along or making your kids happy does feel good. So are you pleasing them or yourself?

Highly agreeable people are biologically wired to value social harmony. So when you tell them to “stop being a people pleaser,” you are asking them to go against their very nature.

But being highly agreeable doesn’t mean that you have to be a doormat. There are virtues to being highly agreeable, and you can keep these benefits without letting people take advantage of you.

In this week’s episode we’ll dive into the science & social conditioning of people pleasing vs. just being a nice person.

Do you need support in changing your people pleasing ways?

Click here to schedule a free call. We will talk about why it’s so hard for you to say no and what that’s creating for you. You’ll leave this free, no pressure, 30 minute call with a clear idea on how to dial down your people pleasing tendencies and say yes to more of what you want.


What you’ll learn in this episode:

  • What is the genetic component of being a nice person? [1:15]
  • How nature and nurture interact to create people pleasing. [2:16]
  • How highly agreeable get socialized into people pleasing. [4:54]
  • People pleasers darker side. [5:28]
  • What we can learn from disagreeable people. [7:30]
  • How to tell when you’re people pleasing vs. being nice. [8:16]
  • How my willingness to disappoint my Mom changed her life (for the better). [10:57]