PST #50: The Mother’s Day You Deserve

The Mother's Day You Deserve Every year, many moms don’t get the Mother’s Day they deserve. Moms work hard all year for their kids and are too often disappointed with perfunctory phone calls and whatever card was left at Walgreens on their special day.

Now throw in social media to show you all the amazing things your friends’ kids are doing to celebrate and societal pressure to “just be grateful for what you have.” It’s safe to say that Mother’s Day can be complicated.

But I’ve got good news for you.

You can use whatever happened on your Mother’s Day to your benefit. In this episode, I’ll share with you my eight tips for feeling more loved and appreciated not only on Mother’s Day, but for the rest of the year too.

I believe that you deserve to be celebrated.  Use these tips to discover how you can create more feelings of love, connection, appreciation and happiness on your special day.

If you had a rocky Mother’s Day, this episode will help you feel better.

Put bad Mother’s Days behind you.

Want help applying what you learned in this episode to your specific family?

Let’s hop on a free, 30 minute, no pressure call. We’ll talk about what’s happening, what you wish was happening, and how to bridge the gap. Click here to schedule.

What you’ll learn in this episode

  • Decide what kind of Mother’s Day you prefer.
  • Shut down snarky Facebook comments on how Mother’s Day “should” be.
  • 5 categories of ways to give and receive love. Knowing your preferred way is key to getting what you need.
  • How to help your family get it right for you.
  • Learn positive, true ways to see their actions that will make you less mad.
  • How I almost screwed up Mother’s Day and what my Mom did to save it.

Get a full episode transcript:

Read Full Transcript

Mother’s Day is complicated because our relationship with our mother’s is complicated. Both from a cultural standpoint. You’ve heard me talk about all the conflicting messages we give mothers. And then you layer in your relationship with your own mom and your kids and your husband who says “you’re not my mom”, what your friends kids are doing on social media, and you can see how there are a lot of ways it can go sideways.

I have a lot to say about Mother’s Day!

It’s totally okay as a mom to want to be celebrated. I did and I don’t apologize for it. There were lots of snarky facebook comments like
I don’t want anything! I’m so happy my family is healthy and happy! Greatest gift ever! That seems to say that you are greedy if you want your family to celebrate you.
It’s okay to be sad (thank you for your permission) but with everything going on in the world today our kids need us to see us being good role models (i.e. your pain doesn’t count because someone else’s pain counts more).

That idea that it’s never our turn to put our needs first is bullshit on

It’s a made up holiday. Or It’s a Hallmark-fueled media-pushed “holiday”. Spoiler alert: all holidays are made up. Literally all of them. There is no objective “important holiday’s list” that decrees which holidays matter.

Summary: You get to choose for yourself if mother’s day is a thing or not.

If you enjoy being celebrated then I suggest you make it clear to your family how you like it. What your love language is. Love Languages is the idea that we each like expressing and receiving love through specific channels. There are 5 of them Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. Don’t worry about remembering this, I’ll link to love languages in the show notes.

Mine is time spent together so my daughter knew that I didn’t want her and my hubby to make dinner for me. I wanted to hang out in the kitchen with her and cook. That is my idea of a good time. You might feel totally different - For example my other love language is gifts and this year I didn’t really want anything and so I was clear that this year the gift I wanted was help designing the pergola for our backyard. That way I avoided her wasting money on a something I didn’t want.

Summary: Being clear on your idea of a good time is key if you want to be happy.

If you don’t get your love language met but they did make an effort - consider if they are giving to you from their love language. Your kids may be giving from their love language and that is really genuine. And appreciating that can give you the feeling of being appreciated.

Summary: It’s worth assuming good intent and looking for ways to be happy.

Remember that you’re in charge of how you feel on Mother’s Day and there is no one right way to be. I also saw on Facebook really deeply sad comments like.
Mother’s Day sucks every year for me, it shouldn’t. And then she goes on to reveal serious unhealed childhood trauma.
But who am i to complain, others are dealing with much worse. - kitchen flood w/ sewer water, toothache
Happy, but so sad as I kept waiting for a call or text from my son that never came. That leads me to my next point...
I think a lot of people get tripped up when we use someone else’s actions to make us happy. Being happy is always an inside job. So whether you choose to be celebrated or not to worry about the day. Know that you are a great mom. Build a self concept so strong that mother’s day doesn’t become a secret test of goodness. If your kids appreciate you enough or your husband reminds them enough or whatever it is for you.
Build a strong enough relationship with your kids and your mom that this one day is just a day. Insert story about sending mom cookies and how she called me when it got late because she knows that I adore her.

From that place of knowing that you are a good mom you will be lined up with creating something good for yourself. Whether it’s through telling your kids what you want. Telling your kids what you don’t want (with my son). Generously sharing - sent gift boxes to lots of Moms in my life.

Or having someone give you grace (my mom). Happiness. Feeling appreciation and love for your mom, your kids, your family, yourself, especially yourself...all of that is an inside job and it’s always available to you. I’m always down to feel more love for the amazing people in my life.

Even on Mother’s Day. Have a great week everyone.